chocolates vs emails

i have to send out about 20 emails to universities,
so i switched my laptop on and told myself,
"okay, for every 5 emails i send out, i get to eat a piece of chocolate."



now i'm thinking,
"okay, once i finish all the chocolates, i better start sending out those emails."

i wake up into a nightmare

"It is an illusion that youth is happy, an illusion of those who have lost it; but the young know they are wretched for they are full of the truth-less ideals which have been instilled into them, and each time they come in contact with the real, they are bruised and wounded."

i don't pray much anymore, but tonight i will pray for God to take me away.