lol much?

"The other helpful hint is more of an observation -- do not go into the zone looking to capture a Chansey, because if you do, you will fail.  You will have epic fail after epic fail.  Why?  Because the game knows you are trying to get a Chansey.  It just KNOWS man.  And because it knows, it will do everything that it can to cause you to fail, because that is how Karma works, and you should not have stolen little Susy Smith's apple pie from her lunch box that time in Second Grade, man.  Yeah, that's right! 

Karma knows what you did, and Karma will punish you.  Oh yeah!   But Karma can be fooled -- so when you go into the zone, just you know, nonchalantly say to the room, "If I catch a Chansey, cool, but I am not here you know, just to do that... I am here to relax man, this is my vacation from being a Pokemon Trainer and I am here to have fun, not capture a Chansey!"  This will lull the game into a false sense of security, because it thinks you are not really there to capture Chansey, so it will not get in the way if you happen to pull one, thus giving you much better odds at actually capturing it.  What?  You do not believe me?  Well, go try it my way and you will see, I am totally right about this!"

..and that, my friends, is pokemon philosophy.

hold me now, i'm six feet from the edge and i'm thinking,

maybe six feet ain't so far down

"kitties go apeshit"

what

amagah i am just waiting for this week to end. just throw me into the exam hall already and let me sit for three papers in one day not one paper in three consecutive days, please.

i've been ubbbbbeeeeerrrrrrrr b-o-r-e-d at home. bored bored bored bored boooooooored. i was so bored that i actually bothered to switch on my laptop to blog about how bored i am. gawd. see, i know i shouldn't go out because i gotta be a good girl and stay at home to study. but the incarceration isn't making me study more it's just making me drown in a pool of boredom. i have finished three storybooks and now i'm tired of reading so i have resorted to cooking, making popsicles, taking a whole lot of pictures of floop, walking around the house aimlessly, staring at walls, and brushing my teeth after every meal.

ZE BOREDOMZ IZ ENGULFINGZ MEHZ

a small surprise, my favourite things, anything, please?

being an all-rounder..

..it  BLOWS. 

for the past few days i've been doing stacks and stacks of question papers. and every, single, time i score about 33 out of 40 for all my subjects. now don't get me wrong, that's a pretty decent score. however, when you've read your textbook(including the parts that aren't so important) twice, studied your notes about four times for each subject, did more than frigging SIXTY papers only in the past month.. and when you're able to regurgitate every, single, fact from your notes/textbook.. 33 out of 40 is pretty pathetic.

it stinks, knowing that that is your limit. knowing that you're putting in ALL the effort you possibly can, and not being able to transcend it. why? because you are a mere all-rounder, condemned to an average life.

i should be achieving greatness, with all the effort i am investing into this meaningless exam. but no, all i'll ever be is "good". wanna be brilliant? that's impossible.

i want to achieve greatness not for any sort of glory, but only because it is fair.



i wish i was intelligent.

no. i wish that i was just brilliant at something, anything. i don't have to be smart if i'm a natural at dolphin training, drawing, singing, sports, fishing, whatever.


i'm so done. i will go and sleep my frustration off now, and resume my life of painful mediocrity tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, until the day i die.

i better be the best harp player in heaven or something.

but i don't have a Great-aunt Birte

"...and I want you all to remember - that you must not dream yourselves back to the times before the war, but the dream for you all, young and old, must be to create an ideal of human decency, and not a narrow-minded and prejudiced one. That is the great gift our country hungers for, something every little peasant boy can look forward to, and with pleasure feel he is a part of - something he can work and fight for."

Kim Malthe-Bruun was part of the Resistance, and that was a little paragraph taken from the letter that he wrote to his mother the night before he was executed.

i have never had much emotions regarding the Holocaust, but that little excerpt broke my heart.

honestly? i wish you never changed

green tea, cat fur, and a book i've wanted for so long

my hell has temporarily ended

fading

My Abyss and i, and all the tired souls, need to run away. to a place where we can wash our souls and jolt them to wake, where we can hibernate emotionally, and where there is so much more meaning to life.

Never again will i take sleep and my interests and myself for granted. and most of all, time.


But we will be okay.


'there's so much i want to tell you about the way i am disappearing'

YAY WHINE POST

i'm only about a quarter through my exams and i have never felt more defeated. i'm constantly tired, i have absolutely no motivation to persevere, and i feel like a ticking bomb.

i'm just.. so.. done.

then there was one night as i was struggling to fall asleep, wallowing in self-pity, i realized that i wasn't just tired of studying, memorizing, doing stacks and stacks of past-year papers.. it's a tiredness that neither coffee nor sleep can cure.

i was tired of being.. of existing.

i feel utterly soulless. and i know i sound like those tumblr girls whining- trying to be emo and deep at the same time. but it's simple. it's so simple. i just lost my passion, hope, and faith.
and i don't know, i don't know how to make you understand that your presence is more than enough because that's how much i miss you. and maybe, maybe you can't understand because you hardly ever miss me that much now, do you? i'm torn between being selfish and feeling like a burden to you, please forgive me.
no, this doesn't mean that i wanna die. i just want another life.

factors affecting evaporation

remember the olevels post i blogged not too long ago? just a few posts below this one? the one in which i swore that i'll never ever make the mistake of last minute studying and justified its publication by saying that i have to let everyone know my mistake so that i'll learn from it?

hahahahahah i didn't learn from it. i did TRY, though. i did start preparing a littleeeee bit earlier, i did. just didn't have enough motivation hyuk

 so now it's back to sleepless nights and sickening coffee but i know i'll pull through. i have lovely people and a good God taking care of me.. i can do it. (i'm just trying to focus on positive thoughts here, aight? i don't care if i sound like bubbles)

anyway, it's almost 6am now and i was going to stay up the whole night with the help of my caffeine(no, not blood anymore) stream. but then i wrote "factors evaporating affection" down in my note book and only realised it after five minutes. found it the funniest thing. decided i should get some sleep.

but now i'm here blogging.

after that i wrote 'humidity' as 'humidy' too. 

i'm so stoned now. 

goodnight jksadlfjsgdfiuwe

all you need is

love.

every one of us has asked, or been asked, or came across the common question "why do you love him/her?". this love does not only apply to romantic love, by the way.

if someone were to ask me that question, i would not have an answer. i suppose most would respond by stating the likable traits of the person in reference (oh, he's nice, he's friendly, he's funny, he's loving, he's charming...) or admitting their selfish but understandable reasons (he gives me random surprises, he spoils me, he buys food for me...).

but those reasons seem a bit superficial, don't they?

to me, love is random. its very first form is in each of us and develops unsuspectingly as time passes. there is no reason for love, and there need not be.

for the abyss of flowers

YOU DESERVE A 

TURTLE HIGH-FIVE

mistakes, and why this is for the public to read when personal things shouldn't be

disclaimer: this is going to be an extremely long post. i promise that i am not whining the whole time.. i just need to clarify a lot of things, which leads me to be horribly long-winded cause i wanna be specific. you are not in any way obligated to read it, but i do need to post it. this is one of those extremely rare moments when ranting about my feelings is actually beneficial(to me).. and the next paragraph explains why and how.

the (petty) issue i am about to address in the next few paragraphs might make it seem like i am being pretentious, lacking of attention, and fishing for compliments. please bear in mind though, that if i were truly those things... this post would be on facebook, not on my blog that only has two readers. i just need an outlet. yes, you can argue that i can actually choose not to publish it, but like i said up there, i need to. i need to publish this post so that everyone can read about my mistake. i need people to know how i disappointed myself, because my ego would not let me make the same mistake twice. see, if you got pregnant, everyone knows that you fornicated, so you'd be humiliated to death that you'd never wanna have sex again until you're married right.. yeah it's the same concept.

before you all think that this is something really serious.. lemme tell you that it's not. at all. to you guys, at least. ALL of you are going to roll your eyes when you find out what this post is gonna be about. so, get your eye muscles ready cause here it comes..................................................

i did not do my best for my O'levels in May. 

hahahhaha i told you guys, right. but seriously.. what i am unhappy about is not that "i don't think i'm gonna get straight A's" or "why am i not smarter so that i can get straight A's". my problem is really just that i did not do my best. i don't need to get an A for an exam, i just need to do my best. if i get a 'C', but it's the best i can do, i'll accept it, and i'll be happy. thing is, i know that i could have done so much better for my May papers.. and that kills me.

when my results come out, i know that this post will make me sound like i was just trying to be humble. like the nerds in class who go "ohh... i really didn't do well for my exams. sigh, 85% is such a bad score." so i'm gonna be honest here - i know i'm gonna get at least an 'A' for Math and Science, probably even an 'A*'. yes, i should be happy with an 'A', and even a 'B' is perfectly decent. however, when it's not my best... i won't even be satisfied with a 92% score. and i know, i did not do my best for English. heck, i didn't even try to get an 'A' for English.. just cause i was too lazy to.

i don't like writing on demand. i write whenever i want to, and i hardly ever let anybody read whatever i wrote. what makes O'levels English so annoying for me is that it's 80% writing. SAT gives you topics like "is having too many choices a good or bad thing" or "has television brought people closer together or further apart". O'levels asks you to write a formal letter to your principal convincing her to build a gym for your school. i cannot. i just cannot.

to score an 'A' for English, you don't even need a fantastic command of the language, just a lot of practice. and i couldn't bring myself to.. until the day before the exam. yup. i just couldn't care less about it until the day prior to the exam cause the panic finally set in. so.. what kind of score i'm gonna get for English, i really don't know. all i know is that it's solely my fault.

the same goes for Science. i should have started studying way earlier, not two weeks before the exam. i managed to study every chapter all the same.. but in the process i drank more than fifteen cups of coffee and had only 4 hours of sleep every night. if i started my revision much earlier, i wouldn't have been stressed at all and would have done better as well.

what i am afraid of the most is disappointing the people closest to me. my favorite teacher is excited to know my results, fetus is always assuring me that he 'knows' i'm gonna do well, and my mom expects me to do well. i really, really want to deliver what they expect from me.. and i think i might not be able to this time.

so.. yeah. i think this is the longest post i've ever written. i know i've repeated some stuff, and i know it's tiresome to read through the whole thing.. but remember, you chose to. so you can't get annoyed at me muahahhaha.

anyway, the results come out some time this week. tomorrow, actually.. but i'm not too sure. if i miraculously get an 'A' for English, i'm just gonna thank the Good Lord so many times that He's gonna want me to be quiet.. but if i get a 'B', i'm gonna try my best to accept it, suck it up, and learn from my mistake.


p/s: if i don't get an 'A' for math and science it means that i have totally underestimated the standard for O'levels or something terribly wrong has happened to my papers. just gotta say it in case i don't get an 'A' and i sound like an overconfident little ------

square root of 36287?

like every tuesday night i was preparing the lesson for tomorrow's class. i checked the math syllabus and saw that the chapter i was to teach them was "Squares and Square roots". then i realised that they can't do square roots other than the few common numbers.. and it's not just that, there is also trigonometry which takes up a whole quarter of maths.

those kids can't do the math that we learn(and complain about) in school. not because they're not intelligent, but because they don't have, and probably never will have, scientific calculators.

they deserve so much more, and they can do so much more... but they lack the resources.

and that saddens me so.

photo taken from http://refugefortherefugees.blogspot.com/
also please visit  http://www.facebook.com/refugefortherefugees

isabel is pleased

"i didn't wash the seashells i got you from the beach.... so that you could smell them."

ingo

"the last time we went swimming

the sea stood up and hugged you

as though you were responsible

for keeping it blue"

TOO FUNNY JVSABDLJKFADS

there IS a warning- some just choose to ignore it

here's to the best friend who has survived(and is still battling) the monstrous education-related challenges thrown at her. one day you'll know why all this happened to you and you're gonna be grateful that it did. stay strong and keep fighting your oppression. 


remember,
you have an abyss of flowers in your heart.

"I THROW A GIANT BUCKET OF AMINO ACIDS IN YOUR FACE AND YOU BRACE YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU’RE STUPID AND PROBABLY THOUGHT IT WOULD MELT YOUR FACE OFF BUT AMINO ACIDS ARE ACTUALLY HEALTHY VITAMINS AND I HAVE DECIEVED YOU"

so.... do they come in a package or do i have to buy them separately

well you didn't have to dieeee like thaaat

living nightmare

it's only love- it's only pain

EVERY SINGLE THING IS GOING TO BE OKAY 

(please let it be okay)

i miss my little rudy so much

this be me one day

PLEASE

get this for me and i will leave you something in my will.

love is shit

i’m the kind who will sacrifice whatever i’m doing if he needs me, even if it’s for the stupidest reasons(like lack of 2 days’ sleep due to a freaking demanding puppy), even if i don’t particularly want to. 


he’s the kind who will sacrifice things for me, when it’s convenient for him. when he’s not doing anything. when it’s easy to. 

is it too much if i say that i deserve someone who loves me just as much as i love him? that i should have someone who wants me equally? that i should have someone who is afraid of losing me enough to hardly ever take me for granted? cause i am bloody sick of being under-appreciated.

i asked him at least 3 times to come over on sunday. i desperately needed help with the puppy i was looking after. i had only slept for 7 hours altogether in the past 2 days before sunday. so when sunday came, i had reached my limit. i needed someone to take the puppy burden off me, even if it was only for 2 hours. 

please understand these things:
1) my olevels exam commences this thursday
2) the puppy will howl horribly loud if he is in the cage or if no one is with him
3) i had to sleep downstairs with the puppy so that the neighbors won’t complain. still, i couldn’t get much sleep because i had to take the puppy out every few hours to poop/pee and i had to constantly check to see if he was chewing on our furniture. (he tore my mom’s bag apart when i was fast asleep)
4) having only 7 hours of sleep in two days made my brain stop functioning. i actually couldn’t study for my exams. i am not exaggerating. i tried, every second that i could, to memorize all my science shit but my brain was not taking in anything. do you know how stressful that was?
5) he was the only one i could count on because i knew that everyone else couldn’t be bothered.


do you see how much i needed him on sunday? but he wouldn’t come, and these were the reasons he gave me:
it was mildly inconvenient, he would only be able to come for a short while, and basically because he didn’t really want to.

sunday was also our 4th year anniversary.

love is horribly unjust to the ones who know and feel it completely

my very first arkwork

*and i don't like it*

page two hundred and fifty

What great malice there could be in allowing something to live.

yeah okay i might be missing school.. a teeny weeny bit.

May (i survive it)

MAY used to be a good month.. however, this May will mark my doom and these random panic attacks i have been getting are horrible. you have no right to make callous remarks about me being a nerd/lifeless(even though i am) because if you absolutely must get straight A's for this seating, you will indeed suffer the same fate as me.

and i know that astro deliberately chose this time of ALL times to give us free channels for ten days. the exact ten days before my exams! the universe is conspiring against me(because the universe obviously revolves around me).


SOMETHING COOL IS PROBABLY SHOWING ON ANIMAL PLANET RIGHT NOW SO, BYE