i'm only about a quarter through my exams and i have never felt more defeated. i'm constantly tired, i have absolutely no motivation to persevere, and i feel like a ticking bomb.
i'm just.. so.. done.
then there was one night as i was struggling to fall asleep, wallowing in self-pity, i realized that i wasn't just tired of studying, memorizing, doing stacks and stacks of past-year papers.. it's a tiredness that neither coffee nor sleep can cure.
i was tired of being.. of existing.
i feel utterly soulless. and i know i sound like those tumblr girls whining- trying to be emo and deep at the same time. but it's simple. it's so simple. i just lost my passion, hope, and faith.
and i don't know, i don't know how to make you understand that your presence is more than enough because that's how much i miss you. and maybe, maybe you can't understand because you hardly ever miss me that much now, do you? i'm torn between being selfish and feeling like a burden to you, please forgive me.
no, this doesn't mean that i wanna die. i just want another life.
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