Oh, you're tired?
Tired?
Well, the world really couldn't care less.
The world isn't about you and the way you feel; the significance of your existence is infinitesimal.
And you're tired? Hah, what a trifling matter. You're not grieving over a loss, you're not suffering from a terminal illness, you're just tired. That's not enough for you to make a fuss.
So go up and finish your four bio essays and an english essay that's due tomorrow..
It doesn't matter that you have had such a long day
It doesn't matter that you don't feel very well
It doesn't matter.
You don't matter.
Get over yourself.
Goodbye.
Monday, August 19, 2013
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
WHAT
it's only tuesday, just two days after the much needed one week break for me to rest and to catch-up with the people i love..
it's only tuesday, it's too early for negative thoughts..
it's only tuesday, it's too early to be tired..
but on tuesday, all of my results were released..
and so on tuesday, i feel so flipping defeated because yet again, my efforts are not paid off
this is shit. life is shit. i am so, incredibly, fatigued by juggling my studies with everything else. it's been eight months and i still have not found the "balance" everyone speaks about, all i have managed to gain is just this defeat and discouragement that is continuously accumulating as i go.
i've been trying to tell myself and everyone around me that it is okay, we still have mocks left to bring up our results, to not be so defeated and use this as motivation instead, and whatever other feel-good bull i can come up with to distract myself from negativity.
so now i'm telling myself, i have one more month to mocks. one more month to work even harder(if that's even possible considering that i am in college from 8am to 9pm), one more month to give it all i've got to bring up my internal marks, one more month, one more month.
i know i should isolate myself a little more, but i don't know if it's possible. i'd love to, but i'm not sure if i'm allowed to... and this brings me to the other thing that's been bugging me. throughout the whole of my pathetic and short one-week break, my presence was expected at outings/parties by all of my friends. i am an introvert, people forget that. i am an introvert, people drain my energy even though i enjoy their company.
almost everyone seemed to be just as presumptuous in assuming that my schedule is completely free for them, resulting in me being out every single day of my holiday, fulfilling my obligations. thing is, unlike most youths, i do not or at least try not to loudly announce about my schedule, my plans, about how busy i am on twitter and facebook. (i do so on blogger as an outlet because no one reads blogs anymore.) and thus everyone assumes that i am free and have nothing else to do, and should be spending time with them. hardly anybody will accept it if i go "i can't make it, please go ahead without me". i know my schedule, if there was some way i can slot in the event into my schedule, i will. i might try to postpone some things, postpone the said event itself, whatever, if i can. but i was pretty much jam packed for the whole of my one week break and had no choice but to decline certain events. i do not understand why people take it as such a personal insult when i do so. get over yourself.
if i say i can't make it, i cannot. if i say that i will have to leave early, i do honestly have to do so. with good reason. i just don't bother sharing the reason because sometimes it is personal and i do not see the need to share it with everybody unlike certain people. please, dear friends, i beg you to remember that you DO NOT KNOW EVERYTHING and before making any hasty assumptions that i'm being "lazy" or "anti-social" or "uncommitted".
anyway, one month more.. i will try to isolate myself as best as i can although i know that there are still things that are required of me. i will try to carry out my responsibilities, but i do also hope that the people around me will understand that this course is not easy and straightforward, understand that sometimes i need time to myself as well, understand that this is a crucial time for me as i have one more month to my mocks and two more months to my australian exam itself, understand that while it may be easy for you to juggle it isn't for me, understand that we are different types of people, understand that i am struggling..
..struggling so bad..
please, please, please understand..
cause i'm fucking losing it
it's only tuesday, it's too early for negative thoughts..
it's only tuesday, it's too early to be tired..
but on tuesday, all of my results were released..
and so on tuesday, i feel so flipping defeated because yet again, my efforts are not paid off
this is shit. life is shit. i am so, incredibly, fatigued by juggling my studies with everything else. it's been eight months and i still have not found the "balance" everyone speaks about, all i have managed to gain is just this defeat and discouragement that is continuously accumulating as i go.
i've been trying to tell myself and everyone around me that it is okay, we still have mocks left to bring up our results, to not be so defeated and use this as motivation instead, and whatever other feel-good bull i can come up with to distract myself from negativity.
so now i'm telling myself, i have one more month to mocks. one more month to work even harder(if that's even possible considering that i am in college from 8am to 9pm), one more month to give it all i've got to bring up my internal marks, one more month, one more month.
i know i should isolate myself a little more, but i don't know if it's possible. i'd love to, but i'm not sure if i'm allowed to... and this brings me to the other thing that's been bugging me. throughout the whole of my pathetic and short one-week break, my presence was expected at outings/parties by all of my friends. i am an introvert, people forget that. i am an introvert, people drain my energy even though i enjoy their company.
almost everyone seemed to be just as presumptuous in assuming that my schedule is completely free for them, resulting in me being out every single day of my holiday, fulfilling my obligations. thing is, unlike most youths, i do not or at least try not to loudly announce about my schedule, my plans, about how busy i am on twitter and facebook. (i do so on blogger as an outlet because no one reads blogs anymore.) and thus everyone assumes that i am free and have nothing else to do, and should be spending time with them. hardly anybody will accept it if i go "i can't make it, please go ahead without me". i know my schedule, if there was some way i can slot in the event into my schedule, i will. i might try to postpone some things, postpone the said event itself, whatever, if i can. but i was pretty much jam packed for the whole of my one week break and had no choice but to decline certain events. i do not understand why people take it as such a personal insult when i do so. get over yourself.
if i say i can't make it, i cannot. if i say that i will have to leave early, i do honestly have to do so. with good reason. i just don't bother sharing the reason because sometimes it is personal and i do not see the need to share it with everybody unlike certain people. please, dear friends, i beg you to remember that you DO NOT KNOW EVERYTHING and before making any hasty assumptions that i'm being "lazy" or "anti-social" or "uncommitted".
anyway, one month more.. i will try to isolate myself as best as i can although i know that there are still things that are required of me. i will try to carry out my responsibilities, but i do also hope that the people around me will understand that this course is not easy and straightforward, understand that sometimes i need time to myself as well, understand that this is a crucial time for me as i have one more month to my mocks and two more months to my australian exam itself, understand that while it may be easy for you to juggle it isn't for me, understand that we are different types of people, understand that i am struggling..
..struggling so bad..
please, please, please understand..
cause i'm fucking losing it
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)