green tea, cat fur, and a book i've wanted for so long

my hell has temporarily ended

fading

My Abyss and i, and all the tired souls, need to run away. to a place where we can wash our souls and jolt them to wake, where we can hibernate emotionally, and where there is so much more meaning to life.

Never again will i take sleep and my interests and myself for granted. and most of all, time.


But we will be okay.


'there's so much i want to tell you about the way i am disappearing'

YAY WHINE POST

i'm only about a quarter through my exams and i have never felt more defeated. i'm constantly tired, i have absolutely no motivation to persevere, and i feel like a ticking bomb.

i'm just.. so.. done.

then there was one night as i was struggling to fall asleep, wallowing in self-pity, i realized that i wasn't just tired of studying, memorizing, doing stacks and stacks of past-year papers.. it's a tiredness that neither coffee nor sleep can cure.

i was tired of being.. of existing.

i feel utterly soulless. and i know i sound like those tumblr girls whining- trying to be emo and deep at the same time. but it's simple. it's so simple. i just lost my passion, hope, and faith.
and i don't know, i don't know how to make you understand that your presence is more than enough because that's how much i miss you. and maybe, maybe you can't understand because you hardly ever miss me that much now, do you? i'm torn between being selfish and feeling like a burden to you, please forgive me.
no, this doesn't mean that i wanna die. i just want another life.

factors affecting evaporation

remember the olevels post i blogged not too long ago? just a few posts below this one? the one in which i swore that i'll never ever make the mistake of last minute studying and justified its publication by saying that i have to let everyone know my mistake so that i'll learn from it?

hahahahahah i didn't learn from it. i did TRY, though. i did start preparing a littleeeee bit earlier, i did. just didn't have enough motivation hyuk

 so now it's back to sleepless nights and sickening coffee but i know i'll pull through. i have lovely people and a good God taking care of me.. i can do it. (i'm just trying to focus on positive thoughts here, aight? i don't care if i sound like bubbles)

anyway, it's almost 6am now and i was going to stay up the whole night with the help of my caffeine(no, not blood anymore) stream. but then i wrote "factors evaporating affection" down in my note book and only realised it after five minutes. found it the funniest thing. decided i should get some sleep.

but now i'm here blogging.

after that i wrote 'humidity' as 'humidy' too. 

i'm so stoned now. 

goodnight jksadlfjsgdfiuwe

all you need is

love.

every one of us has asked, or been asked, or came across the common question "why do you love him/her?". this love does not only apply to romantic love, by the way.

if someone were to ask me that question, i would not have an answer. i suppose most would respond by stating the likable traits of the person in reference (oh, he's nice, he's friendly, he's funny, he's loving, he's charming...) or admitting their selfish but understandable reasons (he gives me random surprises, he spoils me, he buys food for me...).

but those reasons seem a bit superficial, don't they?

to me, love is random. its very first form is in each of us and develops unsuspectingly as time passes. there is no reason for love, and there need not be.